Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

Postby Ioya Two » Mon Jun 27, 2016 4:37 pm

Does anyone have any experience? I adore my husband, but he's bipolar and I can't trust that he won't get violent one day, when he rages. Not too sure where to look for help. His doctor is no help, and I don't have that sort of relationship with my family to confide in them.
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Re: Domestic Violence

Postby BaroqueAgain1 » Mon Jun 27, 2016 5:34 pm

I just started with Google and found:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
Support, resources and advice for your safety
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Available: 24/7, 365 days a year. Bilingual advocates on hand.
Resources: thehotline.org
Chat now: M-F, 10am-8pm ET

Listen to your instincts; if you think your husband MAY become violent, you could be right. Take steps to protect yourself now. Good luck
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Re: Domestic Violence

Postby lurkey mclurker » Mon Jun 27, 2016 7:19 pm

Is there any way you and he could find a different doctor? At the very least the doctor should be exploring with your hubby different meds/dosages to try to keep in balance... !
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Re: Domestic Violence

Postby peeptoad » Tue Jun 28, 2016 7:27 am

Not personally, but my best friend's husband we suspect is bipolar. He refuses to go to the doctor to get evaluated though, which is maddening, but not much anyone can do.
My friend's family is also not involved (for complex and too-long-to-explain reasons), so my friend largely confides in me. At my insistence she has undergone counseling herself, since what her husband does is out of her control. This had a minor positive affect only though since the issue lies with the other half, but it did help her put things into better perspective and (more importantly imo) it motivated her to do positive things for herself and that ultimately helped a bit. She also worked very hard on identifying what she thought were "triggers" for his behavior. So she's now able to avoid some of the trigger actions and she's working on her interactions with him when he is triggered by something, and becomes angry and rages. It's a tough road though. No easy answers, especially when the person refuses medical help.

I'd say the main advice I can give you, if you haven't done it already, is speak with a counselor yourself (one not affiliated with your husband's doctor). This might give you skills and/or perspective to help you deal when your husband rages. Probably not much help, but you at least have control over your actions, even if your husband does not have control over his.
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Re: Domestic Violence

Postby Catalina » Tue Jun 28, 2016 10:42 am

lurkey mclurker wrote:Is there any way you and he could find a different doctor? At the very least the doctor should be exploring with your hubby different meds/dosages to try to keep in balance... !


Unfortunately, it's still up to the patient as to whether he takes the meds as directed by the doctor.
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Re: Domestic Violence

Postby Starine » Tue Jun 28, 2016 10:34 pm

I commend you for reaching out and being proactive. The hotline BA gave above is your best resource.

Do you have a close friend(s) you can count on? I was looking at a couple of websites and they had some good suggestions as far as being prepared, such as:

*Where you and your children can go in an emergency or if you decide to leave. (If you can't stay with friends or family and need a secret location, check with the Domestic Abuse Hotline for safe accommodation services.)
*Have a code word or signal to let others know you need help.
*Have an 'escape bag' ready and hidden with essentials like money, important personal documents, medications, keys, clothes, etc.

Please keep us posted so that we know that you are okay.
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Re: Domestic Violence

Postby Ioya Two » Sat Jul 02, 2016 4:20 pm

I'm okay I guess, it's just I've never dealt with issues like this before. He knows he has a problem, and is actively involved with a doctor, but it's getting to the point where I cannot be sure of my own safety. So I have a lot to sit down and think about.
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Re: Domestic Violence

Postby Somnambulist » Sun Jul 03, 2016 9:09 am

Ioya Two wrote:I'm okay I guess, it's just I've never dealt with issues like this before. He knows he has a problem, and is actively involved with a doctor, but it's getting to the point where I cannot be sure of my own safety. So I have a lot to sit down and think about.


Does anything near you offer free self defense classes? Almost every karate place around here offers basic self defense for women. I don't know where you live, but maybe there is a support group around you for family members with mental illness. I'd check any major university or hospital's website then call/e-mail them for suggestions. Funding for psych is forever too low but there are a lot of resources out there. Maybe even outpatient programs could recommend a therapist for you.

It's a very fine balance when someone in your life suffers from a severe mental illness to not let their illness drag you down too. Good luck. It's a difficult thing but there are definitely resources out there for you.
"Life's no piece of cake, mind you, but the recipe's my own to fool with."
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Re: Domestic Violence

Postby Catalina » Tue Jul 05, 2016 2:11 pm

Self defense against a stranger who you don't worry about inflicting damage on is a lot easier than self defense against a spouse, Ioya Two. Go talk to a counselor, by yourself. And, sooner rather than later. Good luck.
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Re: Domestic Violence

Postby Squally » Tue Jul 05, 2016 7:15 pm

Ioya Two wrote:I'm okay I guess, it's just I've never dealt with issues like this before. He knows he has a problem, and is actively involved with a doctor, but it's getting to the point where I cannot be sure of my own safety. So I have a lot to sit down and think about.


I feel for you, Ioya Two. I really do. My Mom is bi-polar. Unless you've delt with a family member with this (I mean long term) most people just don't understand. I'm lucky, my Mom isn't violent (she can be mean, though, say horrible things that your head understands are the illness speaking but your heart still bleeds). I guess my advise would be to try to talk to his Psychiatrist yourself. My Mom knows what to say to the Dr's and lies. Maybe the Dr doesn't really know how bad it is.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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